Perhaps you abhor a cappella as a crime against nature, as a violation of the laws of god, armadillo and man. Or perhaps you are a nihilist and revel in its existence for it proves that the universe is indeed not just indifferent but hostile to the notion of joy. If so you probably have not seen Pentatonix perform their covers of various songs that you had not previously realized could be improved by removing the music and replacing it with a series of grunts, clicks, claps, hums, exhalations and anguished moans emitted by five earnest-faced people held together by various hair products and striking dramatic poses. You’ve probably missed their very necessary updating of “Hallelujah”, which they reinterpret in the voice of an emotionally challenged 45 year old talking to somebody else’s four year old in a grocery store*. You’ve probably not taken in their cover of “White Winter Hymnal” to which they return the vital harmonies missing in the original. And you’ve probably missed the one in which one of their members joins a group of men’s rights activists singing “Ring of Fire” in a ring around a fire (to which they’ve each come in a separate truck—do a cappella artists not believe in carpooling?) There is no song they cannot improve. Accordingly, here is my wish list of songs I pray they cover.
“Venus in Furs” by the Velvet Underground
“Strange Fruit”, by Billie Holiday
The Thomas and Friends theme song
All of Jethro Tull’s Thick as a Brick
“Shame on a Nigga” by the Wu Tang Clan
Is there a petition I can start or sign to make this happen? Are there other songs you would like to add to round out an album?
*I only made it through the first 10 seconds; I assume it continues in that vein.